Judy

When was your original diagnosis? When did the cancer return and how?

Original diagnosis 1993. Lumpectomy chemo radiation. Four years later a routine exam uncovered a thickening in the same breast, which turned out to be 2 tumors of a different sort than the first. After another 4 years a little lump on my chest wall turned out to be another tumor. Four years from that diagnosis I held my breath for almost the entire year.

How did having the cancer return affect you? (Mentally, physically, emotionally)

Having had no personal experience with cancer of any sort i was floored by the diagnosis. At first it was all about the kids. They were young (11 and 14) and I felt guilty about putting them in such a position. I didn't have much support so floundered for quite some time in an almost surreal state of terror. The first few months were like a nightmare. Then, as with anything, you adjust and begin to work with your new reality.

With the last 2 recurrences the freak out times were shorter and the transition to positive, constructive behaviors was much smoother. Practice makes perfect.

What changes have you made in your life since the cancer returned, if any?

After the first diagnosis I swore off meat, wine, coffee, sugar, dairy products etc, etc. When the cancer returned I tried even harder. The third time I kind of reconsidered and decided a beer and a hamburger may be good for my soul if not my body.

Since the beginning I have been jumping on and off bandwagons. I tried acupuncture, Chinese herbs, reiki, vitamin supplements, visualization, relaxation, psychotherapy, homeopathy etc. It's interesting, enlightening and gives a sense of control. The best bandwagon ever is physical fitness. This has changed my life on so many levels. I think it has been my salvation.

I had a bucket list long before Jack Nicholson. At first it was pretty basic - watch my kids grow up, see Newfoundland. It has evolved into something that will take a very long time to complete. It also now includes physical challenges for myself that I wouldn't have even considered BC. As I check off items I had new ones at the end. This is a never-ending list.

Where do you draw your strength from? How do you look at life today?

I think my strength comes from within. But it's the influence of the strong, positive, supportive friends that surround me that has made me realize that the strength is indeed there. I don't think I knew that before.

Do you have any advice for others with a recurrence?

The most helpful thing you can do for yourself is seek the company of others in the same boat who are living life to the fullest. Surround yourself with positive energy and enjoy each day. And never say "no" to an adventure.

Anything else to add?

I look at life as a gift-full of surprises and opportunities. I feel stronger and more confident. Seldom will I refuse the offer of an adventure. In the past few years I've run a half marathon, ripped down zip lines, skied in shorts, skinny dipped, etc. Sometimes in the midst of one of these adventures, surrounded by kindred spirits and the beauty of nature I am overcome by a feeling of utter peace. In these moments I realize that I have found heaven on earth. This is the silver lining.